I think I might’ve spoken a bit too soon when I said my new meds weren’t working.
All of those are pictures I took within the past two days. All of those pictures are pictures of… art I’ve made in the past two days. The biggest reason for tweaking my meds is that things that used to make me happy didn’t anymore. Things I used to enjoy doing seemed like chores. I hated drawing, didn’t have the inspiration to write, and lived in a constant fog. That fog is starting to lift. Little by little, I can see the light of day again.
LOOK AT ME BEING ALL POETIC.
I’ve actually gotten out of bed early because I was tossing and turning thinking of all the things I could be doing. I got up yesterday, played some Diablo, and got a furious itch to create. So I brought out my (mostly unused) pastels (I didn’t have the right colors for the character in any other medium), and got to work. I worked on it basically all day. I’m extremely proud of myself for sticking with it, being patient, and using a medium I’m not very comfortable with. It didn’t turn out great, but it doesn’t look bad! And of course, practice makes perfect.
LOOK AT ME BEING ALL INSPIRATIONAL!!
I think the first thing to tip me off to my meds working was that I took a compliment from my husband without fighting it. That really caught me by surprise. I realized what I did and just… had to think about it for a while. Positive self-talk has always been a problem for me, and it didn’t feel natural, but I know it was right. I’ve also been a chatterbox with him recently. It’s been a long, long time since I could just talk.
I have to admit I don’t feel… complete yet, so I’ll probably still up my dosage tomorrow. I think 5mg will be enough, though, although my doc gave me a package of 10mg just in case as well. It’s so weird to look forward to feeling better. It’s a feeling I really just can’t describe.
If you want to check out the pastel art I did yesterday, here’s the lineart and the finished piece over at dA. The finished piece scanned horribly… so that’s why it has a texture on it. Just… haha, just FYI. NO EXCUSES.
Work on Shenanigans! Studio will hopefully resume soon. It’s very daunting, but I think I can go back to it.